random musings

12/17/18: This year, when asked what he wants for Christmas, Cole can not come up with anything really. Finally, he told TJ, “Dad, I really already have everything I want”. I think we could all learn a little something from COle. Jax requested to go to a week-long summer camp next summer, and after recovering from sticker shock ($1250 for the week), we got him signed up for Camp Kanakuk in Branson. I have heard really amazing things, and TJ’s response to the cost was “Does that include airfare??” Lolol.

Notes about the GreatGrands

Grandpa Harper: he would swing me. For hours. And every time I asked. I don’t remember him ever telling me no.

He would also say “hey, you know what?”

And my response would always be “what?”

And he’d say “I love you”

He frequently told me he wouldn’t trade me for a ranch in Texas.

And my heart hurts Bc I miss him so much. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. He was my person.

Grandma Harper: she was afraid of the water. Bath time at her house was like 2 inches of water. Lolol.

She vacuumed every morning, at like 6 am.

She always had food waiting for us when we arrived. Chicken patties.

She always told a story about when I stayed with them when I was a baby. Apparently, I had a fever, and when my parents called to check on me, she let me talk to my mom, and I said, “momma, hoooooooot baby!”

Grandpa Round: he would drive to Missouri to pick us up to take us to stay a week with him at his home in Peoria, Illinois. ANd then in Kentucky.

He drove a station wagon with the wood looking side panels.

He played softball. He always smelled slightly of cigarette smoke (his wife smoked), but not in an unpleasant way.

Grandma Round: she had these great books about “the thingamajigs.” they were my favorite! They have since come into my possession and we have added to the collection.

Great grandma Harper: she liked to knit and crochet and taught me when I was young.

Great grandma Stufflebean: she collected salt and pepper shakers.

She just lived a few houses from my grandparents in Brookfield.

And she grew the most beautiful roses and loved them.

And there was a huge apple tree in her backyard that we would eat the apples right off of.

Great grandma Lajoie: she always had those peanut butter filled chewy candies at her apartment and gave them to us.

Great grandma (Round) Long: she always seemed very delicate. Not frail, just small. Her apartment was decorated in lots of butterflies. And delicate glass things.

Middle School and 3rd Grade

Another summer flew by, and I am just astounded that school has already started again! Each year the adjustment to the boys being gone during the day gets a little easier. I had bunches of time off to spend with them this summer, and it was our best summer yet. Back to real life for all of us now.


This year, Jax is in 7th Grade! I know I say this a lot, but how is that humanly possible? How is this small person that I grew in my tummy, what feels like just days ago, a middle schooler? Yet, here we are.
Back to school night was a great success. We met all of his teachers, and he seemed to like them. He has had no trouble navigating the halls of a new school. And he is making new friends.
He is just so Chill about the whole process that it really sets my mind at ease. He has a locker, and takes his phone to school, and is just turning into this young adult.


Jackson (and Cole-all of us, really) had a summer packed with fun things to do! On Jackson's birthday, we flew to Mexico, and an entire 747 sang him "Happy Birthday!" Then, he had basketball camp, church camp, a week of volunteering with local animal shelters, and some time spent in Tennessee visiting Brett McGuffin and family. not to mention a trip to the Lake of the Ozarks with Nana and Papa Patterson.
Whew! A busy boy, indeed!


Cole is a big 3rd Grader, and so far he is liking it. He has stories to tell me about friends when he gets home, and he is elated that he got the "no homework" teacher. Haha. The only downfall is that he was put in a class with none of his friends. A few acquaintances, so we will see how that goes. He is walking to and from school on his own, and thinks he is big stuff.
Since Cole's teacher will not be sending homework home, we have instituted a few of our own weekly requirements. Flashcards, a reading comprehension page, and 20 minutes daily of reading aloud to a parent.

This summer, we got Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun season passes (thanks to Grandma and Grandpa Harper). The boys preferred Oceans of Fun, and we made it there probably 4 times this summer. They love the slides, the wave pool, and the lazy river. We will try to make one last trip to Worlds of Fun during Winterfest in December.

Difficult decisions

This morning, as I was walking out of my morning workout class, I got a phone call I have been dreading, but also mentally preparing for.
Uncle Karl, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer nearly 3 years ago, has decided to go home on hospice. He fought the Good fight. And he is ready to be done.
Thankfully, I was off work, and TJ was home from an appointment, so we headed to KC for a visit.  He is in the hospital currently at North Kansas City. He was admitted a couple of weeks ago, and while making some improvements, he was getting TPN, and needing blood transfusions frequently, in addition to difficult pain control, and  it was decided that there was nothing more that could be done for him.

This has to be one of the most difficult decisions he and Aunt Jan have ever made.
And all I could think about was that he’d never meet his grandchildren, or see his boys get married, and my heart would break for them all over again.

Our visit was perfect. Uncle Karl was lucid, laughing and talking, smiling and enjoying having company. We talked and laughed with him and Aunt Jan for  45 minutes.
This visit was somehow exactly what I needed to be at peace with this decision. This was, in all honesty, Likely the last time I would see him before he passes.

We talked to both of the boys this evening about what this means and Uncle Karl’s impending death.
Jax reacted exactly as expected. Stoic. He understands but doesn’t want to talk about it further.
Cole, too, reacted much as I expected. He didn’t get upset when we brought it up, and he asked a couple of questions. At bedtime, when we said prayer, he cried. He was very sad. But, we talked about Uncle Karl getting to meet Jesus, and that he won’t be in any pain anymore, and he gets what is happening and why.

I have been teary all day, but the visit really helped me.
In conclusion,

Time is fleeting.
Life is short.
Hold your loved ones close.
You never know when the unthinkable may happen.

Where does the time go?

Wow, it has been a long while since I last posted in here.
I really don't like for it to go that long, but life interferes, and with new options for documenting life such as Instagram, I feel the need to write down everything in here less and less.
But, not being able to go back and read these will leave a hole.
SO, what's going on with us?
Well, Cole recently turned 8, and is growing like a weed. Every time I turn around, I feel like I am switching out his closet. He played basketball and indoor soccer this winter, and is playing soccer this spring, and looking forward to basketball and golf this summer.
I remind him he is my baby, but he is no baby anymore, and really not even a little boy. He's reading chapter books for school, and I love watching him learn, and find new things he is interested in and good at.
Jax is Big Man on Campus, being a 6th grader this year at Oak Grove Elementary.
We have struggled with 6th grade! There is so much homework. We were not mentally prepared for that! But, we are powering through and now only have a few weeks left before he is a big middle schooler. How did that happen? Didn't they just announce "It's a BOY" and hand his little newborn squawking self to me like yesterday? Time flies, as they say.
Jax played basketball this winter and had a great time, but is really excited for golf this summer.
He has chosen to play in an individual tournament series, and on a team for a separate tournament series. This should be a fun and busy summer.
Also, I think I should mention, that any morning now, I will wake up and he will be taller than me. He's staring me in the eye, but I've still got him by about half an inch.
This is one of the things about parenthood I wasn't able to envision. For some reason, for their entire childhood, it is hard for me to picture them bigger than me, or as grown-ups.


Last summer, the boys went to a childcare facility on the days I worked, but this summer Jackson had aged out of that, so we decided to go the nanny route again. Kenna O'Riley, a local high schooler, will be keeping them a couple of days a week, and they are super excited. This means pool days, and sleeping in, and hikes, and fun! I'm even excited for them.


We have a family vacation coming up. We leave for Puerto Vallarta, Mexico on Jackson's birthday, May 29th. TJ had requested we have a "down year" for vacation in 2018, and I was doing my best to comply, booking us for a stay in Branson toward the end of May.
And then, we were at a charity auction late last fall, and this trip was on the auction block, and I said, "that would be perfect with the boys!" I barely got it out of my mouth, and TJ went to bidding, and before I knew it, we were the proud owners of a 7-night vacation with choice of location. So much for low-key 2018 vacay. Well, that escalated quickly!


So, we are staying busy. And having fun!
That's the key, I think.


Our family is a little bit of crazy, a little bit of loud (ok, maybe a lot of bit) and a whole lot of love.

Glimpses of a Godly Man

I met Jax after school today at his parent teacher conference. As we were walking in, I asked him how his new shoes felt (since he ran from home to the school to meet me), and he said great. Let’s pause a moment to talk about those new shoes. Those Men’s size 8 shoes that fit my 11 year old boy! Ugh! How is he so big already?

After telling me his new shoes were fitting well, he went on to tell me he was going to give his old shoes to a friend of his at school who didn’t have shoes that fit, and had been wearing his mom’s tennis shoes to school. My mama heart sang! I am so proud of this kind, empathetic young man. These glimpses of the person he will become are my favorite things about moving through these stages with him.

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  

Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  

Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  

Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  

Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  

It was never between you and them anyway.

-this version is credited to Mother Teresa