Difficult decisions

This morning, as I was walking out of my morning workout class, I got a phone call I have been dreading, but also mentally preparing for.
Uncle Karl, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer nearly 3 years ago, has decided to go home on hospice. He fought the Good fight. And he is ready to be done.
Thankfully, I was off work, and TJ was home from an appointment, so we headed to KC for a visit.  He is in the hospital currently at North Kansas City. He was admitted a couple of weeks ago, and while making some improvements, he was getting TPN, and needing blood transfusions frequently, in addition to difficult pain control, and  it was decided that there was nothing more that could be done for him.

This has to be one of the most difficult decisions he and Aunt Jan have ever made.
And all I could think about was that he’d never meet his grandchildren, or see his boys get married, and my heart would break for them all over again.

Our visit was perfect. Uncle Karl was lucid, laughing and talking, smiling and enjoying having company. We talked and laughed with him and Aunt Jan for  45 minutes.
This visit was somehow exactly what I needed to be at peace with this decision. This was, in all honesty, Likely the last time I would see him before he passes.

We talked to both of the boys this evening about what this means and Uncle Karl’s impending death.
Jax reacted exactly as expected. Stoic. He understands but doesn’t want to talk about it further.
Cole, too, reacted much as I expected. He didn’t get upset when we brought it up, and he asked a couple of questions. At bedtime, when we said prayer, he cried. He was very sad. But, we talked about Uncle Karl getting to meet Jesus, and that he won’t be in any pain anymore, and he gets what is happening and why.

I have been teary all day, but the visit really helped me.
In conclusion,

Time is fleeting.
Life is short.
Hold your loved ones close.
You never know when the unthinkable may happen.

Where does the time go?

Wow, it has been a long while since I last posted in here.
I really don't like for it to go that long, but life interferes, and with new options for documenting life such as Instagram, I feel the need to write down everything in here less and less.
But, not being able to go back and read these will leave a hole.
SO, what's going on with us?
Well, Cole recently turned 8, and is growing like a weed. Every time I turn around, I feel like I am switching out his closet. He played basketball and indoor soccer this winter, and is playing soccer this spring, and looking forward to basketball and golf this summer.
I remind him he is my baby, but he is no baby anymore, and really not even a little boy. He's reading chapter books for school, and I love watching him learn, and find new things he is interested in and good at.
Jax is Big Man on Campus, being a 6th grader this year at Oak Grove Elementary.
We have struggled with 6th grade! There is so much homework. We were not mentally prepared for that! But, we are powering through and now only have a few weeks left before he is a big middle schooler. How did that happen? Didn't they just announce "It's a BOY" and hand his little newborn squawking self to me like yesterday? Time flies, as they say.
Jax played basketball this winter and had a great time, but is really excited for golf this summer.
He has chosen to play in an individual tournament series, and on a team for a separate tournament series. This should be a fun and busy summer.
Also, I think I should mention, that any morning now, I will wake up and he will be taller than me. He's staring me in the eye, but I've still got him by about half an inch.
This is one of the things about parenthood I wasn't able to envision. For some reason, for their entire childhood, it is hard for me to picture them bigger than me, or as grown-ups.


Last summer, the boys went to a childcare facility on the days I worked, but this summer Jackson had aged out of that, so we decided to go the nanny route again. Kenna O'Riley, a local high schooler, will be keeping them a couple of days a week, and they are super excited. This means pool days, and sleeping in, and hikes, and fun! I'm even excited for them.


We have a family vacation coming up. We leave for Puerto Vallarta, Mexico on Jackson's birthday, May 29th. TJ had requested we have a "down year" for vacation in 2018, and I was doing my best to comply, booking us for a stay in Branson toward the end of May.
And then, we were at a charity auction late last fall, and this trip was on the auction block, and I said, "that would be perfect with the boys!" I barely got it out of my mouth, and TJ went to bidding, and before I knew it, we were the proud owners of a 7-night vacation with choice of location. So much for low-key 2018 vacay. Well, that escalated quickly!


So, we are staying busy. And having fun!
That's the key, I think.


Our family is a little bit of crazy, a little bit of loud (ok, maybe a lot of bit) and a whole lot of love.